This weeks sign of the apocalypse: iPhone insanity

As Justin Verlander is just having one of those games, as he couldn't find the strike zone even if you gave him a map, GPS, Google Earth, and a bloodhound trained to find home plate, allow me to go off on a non-sports tangent. Or more correctly, a rant...

I've been watching the jaw droppingly intense Apple iPhone insanity all day. If you read the tech blogs at all, the "Jesus Phone" dominated their posting for most of the week, and has reached a fever pitch today. The MSM has jumped in feet first, national and local, interviewing people who have so much time on their hands, they can afford to que up for a God damn cell phone.

This phone will make you smarter, sexier, richer, cooler, and guarantees you'll get laid, if you believe God Steve Jobs

Admittedly, it's a gorgeous, high tech God damn cell phone, but it's a God damn cell phone all the same.

I find it hard to believe that someone would wait in line for 8, 12, 24, or more hours just for the privilege of spending over 600 bones on a piece of 1st generation technology. Then again, I think it's insane to wait in line for anything for that length of time, be it concert tickets, a movie, a sporting event. You name it, I refuse to stand in line for it.

I never understood the rush to buy/watch something the first day it's available. I never see a movie the first weekend it opens. (I love fighting rude crowds, and sitting in the first row with loud as hell teenagers) I never buy a video game/album/DVD when it's first released, especially at full price. ($50+ for Madden? No f'n way. I'll buy it used, or wait for the $30 price cut a few months down the line) I'll never buy the latest technology in it's 1st generation. (Thank God I didn't buy a Betamax)

Look at the schmucks that waited in line for hours, if not days, for a Sony PS3. A few months later, those systems are piled up in the stores like so much cordwood. Those that bought a PS3 hoping to turn a profit either had to sell them at face value, sheepishly return it to the store, or God forbid, keep the PS3 and actually play it.

If you were so desperate that you actually paid scalper's prices for a video game system, when they were readily available a month later, well, you're a idiot. Patience is a virtue for a reason.

Unfortunately, you can't talk sense to the early adopters. They must have the latest and greatest, even though the latest and greatest won't work as nearly as well as the item they currently have. As cool as the Jesus Phone is, you know it's going to be just like any other 1st gen appliance. Expensive, fragile and buggy.

In fact, I'll venture to say that there's only 3 types of people who would buy an iPhone today, tomorrow, next week, or next month. You're either a crazy gadget freak (If you got the cash, more power to you), you are trying to one up the Jones' (Who owns last month's latest and greatest smart phone), or you're trying to cash in on iPhone frenzy, and will hope to sell the thing on eBay at a massive markup. (I hope you lose money on the deal, you vulture)

WWJD? He'd buy an iPhone, of course! Even He would want to be smarter, sexier, richer, cooler, and get some...

Thinking about it, there is 1 more iPhone buyer. The Apple fanboy, who will buy anything Steve Jobs tells them to. If it's priced at a premium, when something else can do the same job less expensively, but not as stylishly, it must be an Apple.

Personally, I'd love to have an iPhone. Who wouldn't? But I'm willing to wait till the price drops to a point where I don't have to give up eating for a couple of months to be able to pay for it.

Hmm, what to do with my cash? Pay the rent, eat, or...I know, I'll buy an iPhone! I'll be broke as Monty Burns after he lost his nuclear plant, but I'll be the coolest guy in the food stamp line. Hey, being on disability tends to limit your spending options, and make you a tad cranky...

I've done the math. $500-$600, depending on the HD size, for the phone. At least $60 a month for a mandatory 2 year contract with AT&T. If my rudimentary math skills are still working, that's $1940 to $2040 to have the honor of owning Steve Jobs' newest status symbol. That's not including any odds, ends, bling, or other cell phone related crap.

Again, if you have the cash to burn, more power to you,I'd love to be in your shoes. But come on, does anyone really need an iPhone, especially at those prices? Then again, who knew everybody and your sister would own an iPod, or one of it's variants?

I'll be thankful when the iPhone mania passes me by, when the MSM, bloggers, and everyone else moves on to the next big thing. Be it dead wrestlers, swearing toddlers, dramatic chipmunks, dogfighting football players, or the MLB All Star game...

When that happens, you can reach me on my slick, and working perfectly, Samsung phone so generously given to me by Sprint. I won't be a hip as those Apple fanboys buying their Steve Jobs approved iPhones today, but I won't be 2 grand in the hole, either. (I had to work my Sprint phone in somehow people!)

The day after the NBA draft has me asking 1 question

How many guards do the Pistons need?

After last night, the Pistons have as many guards as the Lions have wide receivers. Just look at the current logjam in the backcourt.

On last season's roster:

Chauncey Billups: Joe D best re-sign Billups, because there is no realistic backup option at this point. None whatsoever. If he surprises the Pistons, and pulls a Grant Hill to Orlando scenario, they are screwed beyond belief.

Rip Hamilton: You have an all star backcourt, and one of the pair is a free agent. So you draft 3 players better suited to play the position of the guard currently under contract? Who did Rip piss off in the Pistons front office? Why else would they draft 3 shooting guards last night? Going by the Pistons picks, you'd think Hamilton was some journeyman, not a 2 time all star.

Lindsey Hunter: Just take the supposed front office job already, OK? You play great defense, but you can't shoot a damn lick, and you're 50 years old. You really want to do the Pistons a favor? Then retire, take the front office gig, and open up a much needed roster spot.

Flip Murray: Think he pissed off the front office when he decided to use his player contract option, and stay a Piston? Some combo guard Murray turned out to be. He's a PG who can't pass, and a SG who can't shoot. What are the odds Murray is wearing a Pistons jersey in October? 500-1? More like 1000-1.

Will Blaylock: Right now, Blaylock is the only young guard on their roster who is first, and foremost, a point guard. But he's raw as raw can be. If Blaylock is playing significant minutes this coming season, the Pistons have major issues, as that means Billups is playing somewhere else.

Pistons own their rights:

Rodney Stuckey: He's supposed to be a combo guard, but can you realistically expect Stuckey to play the point at the NBA level as a rookie? Along with the "Poor man's D-Wade" comparisons, I've also heard that Stuckey is in the Chauncey Billups mold. I hope not, because it took some 5 seasons for Billups to gain his NBA legs. He best live up to the Pistons hype, because if he doesn't, the Pistons are in HUGE trouble. It bears repeating, Stuckey is all that the Pistons have to show for the 2nd overall pick of the 2003 draft.

Aaron Affalo: Supposedly just like Stuckey, but less athletic. I've read that Affalo is either a hustling winner who brings attitude, or he's a reach at 27, and is going to have trouble just making the team. Just what the Pistons need, another non-athletic guard who can't get his shot off unless he makes his defender run through 3 screens.

Sammy Mejia: Don't know a thing about him, other than he's tall and a shooting guard. Another guard? Why? Why not take a flier on a big at this point?

Alex Acker: Supposedly dominating overseas, he may as well plan on doing so again in 2007. As thing currently stand, there's absolutely no room for him on the Pistons' roster.

I heard some of Joe Dumars' presser introducing the 2 draft picks today. He kept going on about attitude, hard work, hunger, things the Pistons supposedly stand for. That's all well and good, but does that make the Pistons a title threat for the 07-08 season? As the roster currently stands, no.

Do you see anything near the big shakeup that was rumored, and most people think is needed, now that the draft has passed? And for that matter, where's the easy scoring opportunities going to come from? If Stuckey isn't the big time scorer that he's being pumped up to be, we are going to see the same offensive struggles we witnessed last season. We can only hope that the Pistons find a scorer in free agency. Not that I have much hope, as they been looking for a free agent scorer for 2 years now, and have yet to find even one.

Another roster question just popped into my head. Who's going to play center? Nazr Mohammed? He's the only real center on the roster right now. Move Rasheed Wallace to center and start Jason Maxiell or Antonio McDyess? I'm sure that will go over well with 'Sheed... Do they hope to get Chris Webber on the cheap again? I have no idea how the Pistons plan to fix big hole in the middle.

Much of the Pistons eastern competition got better last night. I'm not at all sure we can say the same about the Pistons.

Rodney Stuckey? His name may just as well be Rodney White...

The Pistons claimed they needed immediate help from their 1st pick in the NBA draft. Yet they pick a kid, Rodney Stuckey, who only spent all of 2 seasons at Eastern freaking Washington? Eastern Washington? This has Rodney White written all over it, and we know how well that turned out.

Several times tonight I've heard Rodney Stuckey compared to...Dwayne Wade? That's the local MSM buying into the Pistons' spin, as they can't really say anything about him. Why buy into the Pistons publicity? The MSM can't say much of anything of their own about him, because no one on God's green earth has ever seen Stuckey play! No one had ever seen Darko play either. That worked out real well...

Give the spin a rest. When I hear comparisons to Dwayne Wade, the red flag goes up. How on earth can you compare him to an all-world player like Wade? That's silly, let alone unfair to Stuckey.

Stuckey made his name playing in the Big Sky Conference. Christ almighty, I could put up numbers playing in the Big Sky. Sure, Stuckey scored 24 PPG in his sophomore season. But here's a sample of the teams he played...

Lewis & Clark
Evergreen St.
Northern Colorado
Sacramento St.
Montana St.

Eastern Washington finished 12-14 playing such esteemed directional school competition. If Stuckey is comparable to //cough// Dwayne Wade, he should have been putting up 40 a game.

Just add the following together with me. Stuckey is a non qualifier, whom then had no choice but to go to a small time school, playing in a Mickey Mouse conference, then spending only 2 years at said small time school. It doesn't add up to Stuckey being the first guard off the bench, which is what the Pistons need. What it does add up to is a project whose season long line will mostly read "DNP: Coaches decision".

If the Pistons get anything out this guy next season, I'll be shocked beyond belief. Flip Murray has nothing to worry about, and that's a bad thing for the Pistons.

I hope to Hell that I'm wrong, as I'm far from being a personnel expert. The Pistons obviously see something in him. But they also saw something in Mateen Cleaves and Rodney White, so I'm not sure they should get the benefit of the doubt.

On the surface, it's not a very impressive pick. Considering this pick is what the Pistons received in return for Darko Millicic, it's even less impressive.

Joe Dumars parlayed the 2nd overall pick of the 2003 draft into unused salary cap room, and Rodney Stuckey. Color me unimpressed.

Addendum 10:30 pm: The Pistons just took Arron Afflalo from UCLA at with the 27th pick. Another shooting guard? What the Hell?

Why take Affalo after taking Stuckey at 15? You have Rip Hamilton as the starter, so you pick 2 players who play his position in the 1st round? Makes no sense. What about Alex Acker? He's tearing it up overseas, I thought the Pistons were high on him. Honestly, how many shooting guards do they need?

I have absolutely no idea what the Pistons are thinking. Not a clue.

Joe Dumars' draft history: Low is high, up is down

Am I the only person who doesn't have a good feeling about the Pistons' chances in tonight's NBA draft?

The draft is supposedly the deepest in years, but just how impactful of a player will Detroit get at 15? Let alone at 27... Then again, when you harken back to past Joe Dumars drafts, it's almost assured that the 27th pick will turn out to be a better player than the 15th pick.

I have a high level of confidence in Joe Dumars' abilities in regard to most every facet of running a basketball franchise. Most every facet, that is, save one. The draft. It's Dumars' Achilles' heel, his kryptonite. The draft is the thing we don't speak of when talking about the greatness of Joe Dumars.

I'm not sure why, but the lower the pick, the better it seems to be. You just need to go back to Dumars' first draft, in 2000. Joe D found a very serviceable NBA player in Brian Cardinal with the Pistons' 2nd round pick. But the 1st round pick, the 14th overall, was an outright bust, Mateen Cleaves.

This was the highlight of his NBA career. Um...I was talking about Cleaves, not the commish...

Cardinal has lasted 7 seasons in the NBA as a respectable, if highly overpaid, energy player. On the other hand, Cleaves has bounced around every pro league on this planet, from the D-League to those in parts unknown. He's a bottom of the barrel PG of last resort, getting the occasional 10 day contract. When Cleaves has managed to stay on a NBA roster, he's the last man off the bench, and only plays in garbage time.

Unfortunately, the low is high, up is down style of drafting has been a disturbing trend with Dumars' draft picks

For every Tayshaun Prince, there is Rodney White. For every Memhet Okur, there is Darko Millicic. Low is high, up is down...

Sure, Joe D can has caught lightening in a bottle with some late 1st round and 2nd round picks, a la Jason Maxiell. The baby eater should get significant minutes in 2007. He should be a solid role player. Maxiell was a good value for so low in the 1st round.

Another example of low is high would be Amir Johnson, a 2nd rounder in '05. Johnson may be in the verge of more PT, but is still a work in progress. It remains to be seen how good he'll actually turn out to be. We honestly won't know for a couple of seasons.

When it comes to finding that "Impact" player in the draft, as the Pistons claim is their priority tonight, I can think of only 1 Dumars pick that should be considered as such. Tayshaun Prince.

As I mentioned, Dumars' has found his share of role players. But in 7 NBA drafts, he has only one starter to show for it, Prince. I could get all semanical, and also add Mehmet Okur to the list. But Okur was a Pistons contract casualty. He also was never going to get his shot in Detroit, at least not in the way Utah was able give him.

Losing players like Okur is one of the perils of having a successful, veteran team. That's also why you need to make hay in the draft.

So I'll be watching the NBA draft tonight, with much hope that Joe D will buck the trend and find himself a star player at 15. Or even at 27. It is possible in a supposedly deep draft.

But between you and me? I wouldn't bet on it.

Trash talk and the Detroit Lions = 50 years of BS

Detroit Lions WR Mike Furrey claims they should win 10 to 12 games in 2007. The following quotes are proof enough for me that he's on something mind altering.

"I’m telling you right now, we have high confidence right now. We know what we have. We know how good our offense was over the last four or five weeks of last year. We know that we added depth to the spots that we needed to add depth to. … Our defense looks phenomenal right now. … We believe what Jon’s saying. That’s how we feel as a team right now."

Obviously Furrey has been dipping into the same Kool-Aid and cornbread as Jon Kitna.

It's as if Lions players have become members of a cult. The Cult of Millen. Before every season, we hear that the Lions will improve. The Lions players say so. The front office says so. The local beat writers say so. The newspaper articles never change from off season to off season.

Every year it's the same old, same old.

The team sure looks good during the off season workouts! The new crop of rookies will make an impact! The returning players that have never lived up to their so called "Potential" will actually do so! Injury prone players have overcome their injury proneness! The Lions are going to do more than just improve, they are going to make the playoffs! The Lions are turning a new leaf, and changing their losing culture!

We're told that this coming season will be different that the previous year.

Or the previous 10 years...

Or 20 years...

Or 50 years...

Talk is cheap, and the Lions have been cheap talkers for decades. From playoff victory guarantees, to draft pick hyperbole, to coaches threatening to give "Bus tickets out of town," to predicting 10 win seasons, the Lions have never, ever been able to back up whatever crap comes out of their mouths.

How stupid is it for a 3-13 team to talk trash? To predict 7 victory turnarounds? To say that everything is now A-OK? It's gotten to be a bit much, considering this comes from a team that had to win the last game of the season to keep from getting the 1st overall draft pick.

The Lions were 1 Tony Romo yard from being the worst team in the NFL. The only team worse than the Lions is run by an loopy octogenarian who dresses like it's 1956, believes it's 1966, and runs an offense from 1976. There's not much room for the Lions to talk.

But they still do.

I've used this Benjamin Franklin quote in the past, but when it comes to the Lions, it bears repeating...

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

If you go by the what we've seen of, and heard from, the Detroit Lions, they've been insane for 50 years.

So I have 4 words of advice for the 2007 Detroit Lions. It's advice they really should take to heart...

"Shut the FUCK up!"

It seems like the only people who don't buy into the Detroit Lions off season trash talk anymore are the fans themselves. Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice? Shame on me. Burn me 50 times? Then we are talking about the Detroit Lions.

I despise fan concocted trade proposals

I know that the Tigers' bullpen is in dire need of fixing. That a honest to God, slam the door set up man, and a closer that actually K's batters more than once a week is needed.

Unfortunately, too many fans think they are good GM's. They believe they know more than Dave Dombrowski. Go to any message board, or listen to any local sports talk radio, and you'll see/hear some version of the following...

Let's trade Craig Monroe for Eric Gagne.

They should trade Marcus Thames for Akinori Otsuka.

Cameron Maybin should be traded for a relief pitcher. (Seriously, there was an actual thread on Motownsports.com proposing this exact thing)

Trading this man won't get you Eric Gagne. It won't even get you Eric Cartman

In response, I have just this to say...

Enough of the laughable, asinine, idiotic trade suggestions, people!

Has anyone checked the stats of Monroe or Thames recently? I like Monroe as much as anyone, but he's had an abysmal year. As of today, Monroe has an OBP of .281! That's point two eight one. That's ugly. It's outright embarrassing. Sure, he has 41 RBI, but that's more in thanks to the Tigers offense being so good that scads of baserunners are in scoring position, than anything Monroe has done.

I'm confident in stating, as sure as all Hell, that Craig Monroe isn't going to get you a quality relief pitcher. Monroe isn't going to get you quality anything. The fact that Monroe is still in the Tigers lineup on a daily basis is baffling. His trade value is nil.

Thames hasn't been much better. His OBP is .286. That literally sucks. Thames might be a little more valuable than Monroe, thanks to his prodigious power, but his stats say he's just about as bad.

To think that either player is anything more than a throw in when it comes to a trade is being delusional.

To gauge trade value, just look back to what the Tigers received in the Mike Maroth deal. I can be sure in stating that Maroth, who was a number 4 or 5 starting pitcher on a contender, is more valuable than a struggling to get on base corner outfielder. Yet Maroth was worth only a PTBNL, and we've been told that player is not going to be of the Cardinals' top prospects.

Shoot, the Tigers got more in return from Atlanta for Wil Ledezma. At least Macay McBride has major league experience, and has the potential to be a good LOOGY. Odds are the PTBNL is going to be minor league roster filler.

So if the Tigers are going to get a legitimate relief pitcher, it's going to take a very good prospect(s), and/or a major league player. Right now, Monroe and Thames can't be considered as such.

I'm afraid that to fix the bullpen, it's going to take a (gulp) Nate Robertson, along with one or more of the likes of Dallas Trahern, Jair Jurrgens, Gorkys Hernandez, someone that's considered a honest to God prospect by both the Tigers and their trading partner.

In other words, fixing the bullpen is going to hurt.

Trading the likes of a Monroe, Thames, Infante, Grilli, or Seay isn't going to hurt the Tigers, but they aren't going to get the needed help, either. Unless they are part of a larger deal that has a player that losing will be painful for the Tigers. Such as Robertson, or one of those valuable prospects.

So I ask all of the wannabe GM's out there, please think before you talk. You are just showing your baseball ignorance by proposing such blatantly one sided deals.

It figures...

I wax poetic about how good it is to be a fan of the Detroit Tigers earlier today, and they go off play an awful game tonight. That little voice I described in the back of my head must have been saying, "Not so fast, the bullpen still needs help."

Well, either that or, "Todd Jones blows."

It's almost too good to be true...

There really isn't a whole lot to talk about Detroit Tigers-wise, as for the most part, things are going pretty damn well.

The team currently holds first place in the central, in what is beginning to look more and more like a 2 team race with the Indians, with the 2nd place team being a very good bet to get the wild card. I don't want to write off the Twins, as they are always scary. But they have been hovering around the .500 mark all season, and are having injury issues. The White Sox are in midst of imploding like a star going supernova, and for all intents and purposes, are out of contention.

Over the last few weeks, the Tigers have been one of the best teams in baseball, once again running roughshod over the JV squad, otherwise known as the National League. Even the normally crazy as a loon Joe Morgan thinks this season's version of the Tigers is better than last season's pennant winner.

The Tigers' offense has been insanely good. Historically good. Crazy good. Words can't describe how good they have been with the bat. You almost expect them to score 6 runs a game.

The starting rotation is finally taking the shape we envisioned before the start of the season. Kenny Rogers is healthy, Andrew Miller has shown that you can't keep major league talent down on the farm, no matter how veteran the rotation. If Nate Robertson shows tonight that his stint on the DL helped his "Tired arm," that'll be icing on the cake.

As for the embattled bullpen, a few moves have finally been made, and things have settled somewhat. Everyone's nerves have calmed. For the time being, anyway...

There's even more good news. If the All Star game voting ended today, Magglio Ordonez, Placido Polanco, and Pudge Rodriguez would all be starting for the AL. Let alone there's the fact that Justin Verlander and/or Jeremy Bonderman have great shots at being named to the AL pitching staff. We haven't seen such national love for the Tigers in years, not since Ron LeFlore, Rusty Staub, and Mark Fidrych all started the 1976 game.

In the recent MLB amateur draft, high school pitcher Rick Porcello, a consensus top 5 talent, thanks to his contract demands, fell all the way to the Tigers at the 27th pick overall. Showing no fear in regard to having to pay well over slot money, the Tigers were shown to be a gutsy team who weren't going to be bullied by the commissioners office, or other MLB teams, into passing on a potential franchise pitcher. Their aggressiveness warmed the cockles of Tigers fan's hearts, and made fans of other teams wondering why their team isn't more like the Tigers.

More like the Tigers? Never thought I'd ever hear words like that ever again.

The Detroit Tigers have become a model MLB franchise, a team that should be competitive for not only this season, but for many to come. They have a solid front office lead by one of the best executives in all of baseball, Dave Dombrowski. The Tigers have the reigining manager of the year in Jim Leyland, who has become a God amongst men in Detroit. The farm system is finally starting to recover from years of neglect, and poor decision making. The Tigers have been remodeled, from top to bottom.

Detroit is once again being seen for what it once was, one of the best baseball cities in America. It's no longer thought of as a remote baseball outpost, the Siberia of the major leagues.

The last season and a half has been a dream scenario for long suffering Tigers fans. No one would have envisioned such a turn around in fortune. No one.

Things couldn't be better in Tiger Nation. So, no worries, right? Right?

So why am I sitting here, waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak?

In the back of my mind, there is this little voice telling me it's all too good to be true. 2 decades of watching the worst baseball this area has ever seen will do that to you. Other teams are supposed to have long stretches of success, definitely not the Tigers. Never the Tigers. Not since the long ago 80's, anyway.

When it came to the Tigers, for many, many years, I used to hope for the best, but expected the very worst. It's hard getting used to that platitude no longer being true. Considering the Tigers were the dregs of the league a short 2 seasons ago, it's hard to grasp the fact that the Tigers are now an excellent team.

No matter what happens from here on out, it appears that the Tigers are in excellent shape, run by smart baseball people, with an owner willing to spend what it takes to win, filled with a roster of very good players, and plan to stay that way.

Here's a few more words I never thought I'd hear again...

It's good to be a Tigers fan.

A look back in incredulity: Marty Mornhinweg

We all remember the defining moment of the Marty Mornhinweg era. Taking the wind, rather than the ball, in OT against the Bears.

Marty did so despite the fact that his defense had been on the field for virtually the entire 4th quarter, and was utterly unable to stop the Bears. Well, there was the one drive they did manage to get a 3rd down stop, but Mornhinweg took a 3rd down penalty called against the Bears, to keep them from taking a 50 yard field goal attempt against that same wind, thus allowing the Bears to convert on their 2nd attempt on 3rd down, then going on to score.

There was one idiotic blunder heaped upon another in that game, cumulating in the infamous decision to take the wind.

Marty Morninweg thus became known as Marty Moronweg, and from that moment on, his days in Detroit were numbered.

Yet Marty Moronweg defends the decision that will haunt him to his grave.

"The people who were there and know all the information ... know that it was the right call," Mornhinweg said. "It was the right call then, it's the right call now, and it's the right call 10 years from now."

Uh...Marty, you know what it will say on your headstone?

"He took the wind."

We shouldn't be surprised of his defending the indefensible, as according to an interview given a little over a week ago, Marty thinks he can still be a NFL head coach. Anyone that lived through his 2 seasons in Detroit knows that is an impossibility.

Could you see what any NFL team's fanbase would say if Marty was brought into town to interview for a head coaching gig?

"The guy that took the wind? Are you serious? Cancel my season tickets!"

Just to show that taking the wind wasn't an isolated occurrence of Marty's stupidity, let's look back, and see just what else Marty thought...

• That the bar was actually high.

• That the Detroit Lions head coaching job was worth interviewing for, let alone worth taking

• That Matt Millen knew what he was doing in hiring him, yet not interviewing anyone else.

• That Matt Millen knew what he was doing, period.

• That staging the the premature end of a training camp practice, and riding off on a conveniently parked Harley to show his displeasure was a more than just a asinine, poorly conceived stunt.

• That riding off on that Harley, and never, ever coming back, was not the better choice of action.

• That Mike McMahon gave the Lions a better chance to win than Charlie Batch.

• That Mike McMahon was a NFL quarterback, period.

• That it was a good idea to allow Ty Detmer to stay in a game long enough to throw 7, count 'em, 7, picks.

• That going along with Millen and Ford Sr, and drafting Joey Blue Skies despite his gut feelings, was a good idea.

• That Quintin Jammer should have been the pick instead.

• That he was a competent head coach for the Lions.

Not exactly the the good decision making you'd want from the head coach of your local NFL franchise.

Yet, in the quoted interview, Marty says that he'll be a head coach again.

"I'll be a head coach again"

Of course he added that it could be in a youth league, but you know the Lions years are gnawing at him. I guess it's just like Jon Kitna and his 10 wins prediction, you say some something enough times, you'll begin to believe it, even if no sane person does.

At least Marty did get in one good jab about the dysfunctional Lions...

"I've been in four [NFL] organizations," he said. "Three have been great, top to bottom."

Good for you Marty, good for you. It's pointing out the obvious, but good for you. Get out some of that venom, just as the legions of Lions fans you pissed off did when you were coach.

I will say this about Marty. His awful press conferences were the stuff of legend, and not to be missed. He could spew catch phrases with the best of them. You know 'em, you love 'em, you'll always remember 'em...

"The bar is high."

"The goal of this organization from this point forward is Super Bowls."

"We have to play at a certain level, a very high level, to win a football game."

"That's hairy high school stuff."

"There's no excuses in this league. Snap, hold, kick."

"The bar is even higher!"

I spent the rest of the season saying "Snap, hold, kick" whenever I got the chance.

Fortunately for the rest of the nation's NFL fans, odds are they won't ever have the chance to quote "Head coach" Marty Mornhinweg.

Just looking at this picture make me twitch uncontrollably

Consider yourselves lucky that your team will never see the immense brainpower that we Lions fans lived with for 2 long years...

Jon Kitna can't be serious

You all saw the headlines Jon Kitna made over the weekend. How could you miss them, as it was so strange and off the wall.

Jon Kitna believes that the Detroit Lions will win more than 10 games in 2007.

Really, he does.

Once I wiped the tears from my eyes, after going into a laughing fit, I began to ponder why Kitna is so positive about the Lions chances.

After I wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes, from my pondering causing another laughing fit, I gave up trying to rationalize Kitna's prediction, and just wrote it up to the lunatic ravings of someone who has taken one too many blows to the head.

It's damn hard to win 10 games with your ass on the turf, but we're talking the great Jon Kitna here...

Honestly, I don't get where the optimism is coming from. Mostly due to the fact that one of the biggest reasons the Lions will not win 10+ games is the presence of Kitna himself under center.

There has to be some reason Kitna is so confident about the Lions' chances in this coming NFL season. I'm going to throw a few thoughts out there, just to see if I can come up with the reason why...

Maybe he took Peter King's quite strange, made for no rhyme or reason QB rankings to heart.

Kitna managed to keep a straight face, but was actually joking about 10 wins. Unfortunately, everyone took his preditcion seriously.

It could be possible that Kitna's religious devoutness has lead him to speak with God, and God told him to take the over on season wins.

Kitna just plain forgot that his defense actually has to stop the other team.

The media didn't emphasize Kitna's wording correctly. The actual quote was, "Win more than 10 GAMES?"

Kitna has seen Calvin Johnson on the practice field, and now knows that Johnson is the best God damned player on the planet, and is worth at least 3 TD's to the good a game. In other words, Calvin Johnson is next coming of Don Huston, Jerry Rice, Lance Alworth, Raymond Berry, Art Monk, Herman Moore, the guy from "Invincible," and Gus the field goal kicking mule. I guess that combo is worth at least 3 scores a game, right?

Kitna is on the drugs. Dip into the 'shrooms one too many times, and who knows what's going to come out of your mouth.

Matt Millen hypnotized him.

Kitna is into positive reinforcement, in that if you say something enough times, you actually start to believe it. Even if that something is ludicrous at best, and off-the-wall insane at worst.

When it's all said and done about Kitna's prediction, I could only come up with one incontrovertible fact.

Self delusion is a wonderful thing...

So long Mike Maroth, and thanks for all the pitches

Mike Maroth is no longer a member of the Detroit Tigers. He was dealt to the St. Louis Cardinals this afternoon for...Well, we don't know just yet.

Considering the best you could say about Maroth was as an AL starting pitcher, he's a good hitter, who knows how what kind of value the Tigers received in return. I'm guessing not all that much, something on the order of a autographed Albert Pujols poster, David Eckstein's growth chart and a player(s) to be named later who isn't really all that good, otherwise known as a P(s)TBNLWIRATG.

Say what you will about Maroth's abilities as a pitcher, he was a good soldier for the Tigers. Anyone who could could survive a 21 loss season in 2003, and come out the other side as a member of a pennant contenders pitching staff, says volumes.

Look up "Soft-tosssing crafty lefty" in the Wikipedia, you'll see Jamie Moyer's picture, but Mike Maroth should be, at the very least, mentioned in the references...

Back in the dog days of that ugly 2003 season, when it become obvious that Maroth was on the fast track to 20 losses, he could just as easily have accepted an offer to be removed from the rotation to avoid certain infamy. But Maroth wanted the ball, kept his spot as the de facto number 1 starter, and suffered the ignominy of a 20 loss season. But in doing so, he gained the respect of Tigers fans.

Unfortunately, when a team gets to the point where they are (Hopefully) a perennial contender, players of Maroth's ilk are the type whom are jettisoned. As Maroth is not by any means bullpen pitcher, he either starts, or he's gone.

Sure, Maroth did have a winning record this season, but that was more in thanks to the Tigers murder's row of an offense, than anything he actually did. If you go by the cold, hard facts, Maroth was the least talented of the 7 pitchers whom the Tigers considered for their rotation. He was 7th in a 7 horse race, a backmarker soon to be left in the dust.

Maroth was living on borrowed time, and his time ended when Kenny Rogers and Nate Robertson were deemed healthy, Chad Durbin plainly out pitched him, and Andrew Miller appears to be living up to his 1st round pick hype.

Mike Maroth is what he is, a .500 pitcher (at best) with a 5.00 ERA, who can give you 5 innings a start, 30+ times a season. Playing in the JV league, Maroth may be a little better than that, but he's 4th or 5th in any team's rotation. Unless that team is as awful as the 2003 Tigers...

To put it simply, Mike Maroth had out lived his usefulness as a Tiger. Sad to say, as a survivor of the 2003 season, but true.

Maroth represented the Tigers well, should be remembered fondly, and will be missed.

Will the Pistons remain a force? Let's just say I wouldn't be willing to bet on it

As confident as I was about the Pistons remaining a eastern conference power after the draft lottery and before the start of the Cavs series, the less confident I become the more off season rumors I hear.

Kobe Bryant wants to be traded to the Bulls. You need a superstar to win in the NBA. Kobe fits the bill.

For the first time, the Kevin Garnett trade rumors have merit, the hottest rumor being a trade to the Celtics. As long as they don't have to give up Paul Pierce, the Celtics become a eastern conference force. Their having 2 superstars would trump the rest of the east. No other east team would be so top heavy.

The Bucks supposedly are preparing to deliver several Brinks trucks full of loot to Chauncey Billups, very possibly giving Billups a near max offer the Pistons won't be willing to match. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if the Pistons lose Billups, they might as well start the rebuilding process. As the roster currently stands, Flip Murray would be your starting point guard if Billups leaves. Yeah, that's going to work...

The Hawks need a point guard, and all the mocks have Acie Law, who would be an absolutely perfect fit, and would fill a long time need for the Pistons (Scorer off the bench, let alone a heir apparent at PG), being taken by Atlanta just before the Pistons pick. That would hurt, as I want Acie Law as a Piston. The Pistons need Acie Law. Re-read the paragraph above this one as to why.

Rodney Stuckey is claiming that the Pistons have promised to draft him at the 15th overall pick. Sure, Stuckey has a NBA body. But he's also an early entry, having played playing 2 seasons at Eastern Washington. It bears repeating...EASTERN WASHINGTON? Does that sound like someone who's ready to step into the rotation? Best case scenario is that Stuckey is ready in a couple of years. Worst case? He's the next Rodney White. Either way, he's not the immediate help you want from that high in the draft.

Joe Dumars says no "Fire sale" is imminent, thus doesn't anticipate making big changes, and Flip "I lost to MIKE BROWN" Saunders will return as head coach for another season. If Billups leaves, maybe the fire sale does start. As for Flip Saunders, this says it all. He lost to a one man team coached by Mr. Potato Head.

The Pistons front office loves Amir Johnson, Dumars going so far to call re-signing him behind only retaining Billups as his main off season priority. But does the coaching staff love Amir? Not nearly so much, if you believe Chris McCosky. Who's right? I'm not sure I trust the evaluation skills of either side, so your guess is as good as mine. From what little we saw of Johnson, he definitely is athletic enough. But does the rest of his game match that athleticism? Again, your guess is as good as mine. The seeming split between the front office and coaching staff is concerning, to say the very least.

I know that odds are not all of these rumors will come to fruition, but each and every one of them would hurt the Pistons in the long run. Good Lord, if all of the above comes to fruition, it's going to be one hellish off season for the Pistons. I may want to bring out TWFE infamous Tigers panic button.

As things stand know, I honestly can't determine if the Pistons will again make a long playoff run, or struggle to get out of the first round. (They will make the playoffs, is is the east, after all) But none of the above sound encouraging to the Pistons' 2007-08 chances. How the next month plays out will tell us plenty.

This is going to be the most fascinating NBA off season in memory, possibly for all the wrong reasons when it comes to the Pistons.

Much ado about nothing

I know I'm a week late on writing about the first domino to fall in the Detroit Pistons eventful off season, but better late than never, right?

Carlos Delfino was traded to the Toronto Raptors for a ball rack, a pair of Reebok pumps, and 2 second round picks that are so far in the future that they'll be used on kids currently in preschool.

When Delfino was first drafted, we were told that he would be the next Manu Ginobli. Turned out that the only thing they had in common was they were both Argentinian. We were led to believe that Delfino was a slashing scorer, with an outside shot to boot. It turned out the only thing Delfino did consistently was commit stupid fouls, and we rarely, if ever, saw that slashing scorer.

Defino had more "Gum time" than playing time as a Piston.

Nothing ever changed with Delfino. Every summer we would read that Delfino trashed the Pistons in some South American newspaper, saying he was not getting enough playing time. Every fall we would read that he was misinterpreted or misquoted, telling the local beat guys that he was thrilled to be a Piston. Every winter we would see why Delfino's playing time was sporadic. Every spring the fans would be told by the Pistons that NEXT season would be the season the bench would be developed, and then we would see how good Delfino really could be.

Once the season ended, that illogical circle would begin anew.

Just like the infamous Darko, Delfino was never going to live up to his potential in Detroit. It was time for Dumars to cut bait. By basically telling the Raptors to just make an offer, ANY OFFER, and you can have "The next Manu Ginobli," the Pistons finally realized what Defino had already known for a couple of years, that he wasn't a good fit.

Delfino won't be missed, and we can only hope that his open roster spot gets used wisely.

If giving away Delfino for a box of lopsided basketballs means that there will be a roster spot available for Grant Hill, I'm all for it. Give Hill a backcourt role much like the role that Antonio McDyess fills on the front line.

Say what you will about Hill's injury history, that injury history also means that there is still some tread left on the tires. Play Hill 18-20 minutes a night, and watch those minutes carefully, much as they already do with Dice, and the Pistons become a much, much better team. Hill to the Pistons makes too much sense for it not to happen.

Considering how Hill left Detroit in the dust long ago, I never, ever thought I'd be saying bringing him back makes sense. Then again, the NBA never makes much sense, and it also makes for strange bedfellows.

A quick note...

I've been going to physical therapy for the last couple of months, and it's done my arthritis a world of good. But that same physical therapy just kicked my ass this afternoon, so I'm not feeling all that much like writing.

Even though there are a few things on my mind, odds are any ranting and raving won't be posted till tomorrow. I might have something after tonight's Tigers game, depending on how the denizens of the bullpen decide to pitch.

For my sake, I hope Jones and company aren't needed...

Thanks for reading!

I know how to fix the American health system crisis...

I'm sure that you have heard that the new Michael Moore documentary "Sicko" is being released this month. Not having seen it as of yet, I'm guessing Moore blames much of what ails the American health system on the US government, and the big HMO's. I wouldn't be surprised of he also blames our not so healthy lifestyle.

But I'm thinking he forgot 1 BIG reason for our health system crisis.

You want to live? Then this man must be stopped.

Todd Jones and the Tigers bullpen.

Last night Todd Jones continued his quest to cause headaches, ulcers, baldness, hypertension, erectile dysfunction, heart attacks, nervous breakdowns, involuntary tics, alcoholism, depression and any other malady that can be blamed on stress, to the Tigers fanbase.

Anytime Todd Jones, Jason Grilli, Fernando Rodney, and the rest of the usual suspects, comes in to pitch, you can bet that later that night the local emergency rooms are swamped by Tigers fans with stress related illnesses. The bullpen has become a threat to our well being.

Typhoid Mary has nothing on the Detroit bullpen. The bullpen in total runs down our body's defenses, then Jones comes in to finish us off. Todd Jones is a one man epidemic.

I found a few questions to ask yourself, to see if there is too much Todd Jones related stress in your life.

Do you find yourself sweating excessively when you're not exercising?

A. No
B. Only when Todd Jones pitches.
C. After the 6th inning.

Do you ever have trouble sleeping?

A. No
B. Only when Todd Jones pitches.
C. Whenever the Tigers bullpen blows a 2 run or more lead.

Are you experiencing any digestive problems, such as indigestion, IBS, or ulcers?

A. No
B. It flares up when Todd Jones pitches.
C. It flares up when Fernando Rodney starts to warm up.

Do you often find yourself with tension headaches?

A. No
B. Only when Todd Jones pitches.
C. After every Jason Grilli appearance.

Do you often feel fatigued at the end of a day?

A. No
B. I'm emotionally and physically drained after every Tigers game.

Do you find yourself smoking and/or drinking to excess as a way to deal with stress?

A. No
B. Only when Todd Jones pitches.
C. Whenever Jim Leyland brings in a reliever.

Are you easily irritated?

A. No
B. Only by Todd Jones.
C. Only by Jim Leyland pitching Todd Jones more than 1 inning.

I'm not a doctor, and don't play one on TV, but be assured if you answered B or C to any of these questions, then Tigers bullpen is trying to kill you.

Is there a cure? Yes.

It's not socialized heath care. It's not a new national prescription drug plan. It's not fixing the Medicaid and Medicare programs.

The cure is Dave Dombrowski FIXING THE GOD DAMN BULLPEN!!!

I think I need to lie down, I'm not feeling so good...

The Little Fella is everywhere, even your local cineplex

I ran across this bit of horrifying "Entertainment" news...

Bestselling author Mitch Albom has sold his very first script to Columbia Pictures and Happy Madison Productions. According to Variety, the untitled film is being set up as a starring project for Adam Sandler.

Braindead meets pompous. Lowest common denominator humor meets lowest common denominator sap. Consider yourselves warned.

This couldn't be any worse than the abomination that was Sandler's "The Longest Yard," could it? Sandler took one of the top 5 sports movies of all time, and...I don't want to think about it.

Not that all Sandler flicks are bad. "Happy Gilmore" was an entertaining movie. But when he gets all sentimental, you end up with sappy crap like "Mr. Deeds," "Little Nicky" and "Big Daddy." Now imagine those films with the heavy-handed sentimentality of the Little Fella. Lord help us all.

Unfortunately, the Sandler/Little Fella combination will probably gross 150 million dollars, which will mean ever more Little Fella scribed feature films.

Just kill me now.

The Detroit Tigers bullpen as seen thru Pink Floyd songs

If you are of a certain age, probably over 35, you are (Or should be) a huge fan of one of the iconic bands of the 70's, Pink Floyd. So as I was listening to "Animals" for the umpteenth time, while also pondering the plight of the Tigers beleaguered bullpen, I couldn't keep myself from mashing together something so good, with something so bad...

Wil Ledezma: Money - Of which Ledezma should be returning to the Tigers considering his utter ineffectiveness.

Youman Bazardo: Hey You - Anyone know who this guy is? I'm not even sure the Tigers themselves do.

Tim Byrdak: Learning to Fly - Byrdak, bird, fly. Get it? Jesus, you're a hard bunch to please... OK, let's try this... A career minor league journeyman is finally learning to spread his wings, and become an effective pitcher. That analogy any better?

Fernando Rodney: Run Like Hell - Considering how many runs Rodney allows during his appearances, that's exactly what been happening on the basepaths.

Jason Grilli: Comfortably Numb - What I need to make myself whenever Grilli enters the game.

Bobby Seay: One of these Days - Bobby Seay will actually get someone out...One of these days.

Todd Jones: Pigs on a Wing - Pigs will fly before Todd Jones will convert a save with an easy 1-2-3 inning.

Joel Zumaya: Wish You Were Here - 'Nuff said...

Jim Leyland: Is There Anybody Out There - That has to be running through the Cigarette Smoking Man's mind whenever he has to go to the bullpen.

Big Al: Speak to Me/Breathe - What the GF is saying to me after another win is blown by the Tigers bullpen.

Peter King is a loon

The latest Peter King column in SI is being roundly criticized throughout the blogoshpere, for good reason. His quarterback ratings leave something to be desired. King's bizarre column proves that writers also need to be subjected to drug testing.

Say wht you will about the list, but one ranking in particular stands out...

Jon Kitna is the number 9 ranked QB in the NFL.

Not 9 out of 9. But 9th overall out of 32. You read it right, Jon Kitna is the 9th best QB in the NFL.

Yes, THAT Jon Kitna. Jon Kitna of the Detroit Lions. The same Jon Kitna that lead the Lions to 3 wins, and lead the entire NFL is turnovers. (22 INT, 9 lost fumbles)

Talk about grading on a curve...

It either comfirms that King is on the drugs, or that the NFL is desperate for competent QB's. From looking at the list, it's a little of both.

Just who does King have rated behind Kitna? Here's numbers 10 to 20...

Tony Romo
Donovan McNabb
Steve McNair
Brett Favre
Chad Pennington
Jake Delahomme
Ben Rothlisberger
Matt Leinart
Matt Schaub
J.P. Losman

I'd take damn near every one of these QB's over Kitna. Sure, some have injury issues (McNabb, McNair, Pennington), some are old and a bit of a drama queen (Favre), others have to prove they aren't more than 1 season wonders (Romo, Delahomme, Rothlisberger), and the rest are inexperienced (Leinart, Schaub, Losman). But when it comes to actual talent? Yo want to tell me that Kitna is a better QB than Donovan McNabb? An old and crazy Favre, crippled by a bad team? Get serious...

Kitna's passing stats are greatly inflated thanks to the pass happy crazy insane Mike Martz offense He was -1 in his INT to TD passing ratio. His QB rating was a lowly 79.9. Kitna was 1 of 2 QB's to have over 20 picks, and the other, Rex Grossman, does blow, but did somehow get his team to the Super Bowl. The team Kitna lead won 3, count 'em, 3, games! All that screams that Kitna is not a very good QB.

King also gives Kitna high marks in the biggest unmeasurable, "Intangibles." Just because Kitna is vocal, religious, and talks a good game doesn't mean squat if he treats the ball as if it were a hand grenade. A QB can have intangibles out the wazoo, but intangibles can't make up for being a turnover machine who has trouble finding the end zone.

The NFL is in BIG trouble if Jon Kitna is the 9th best QB in all of football.

As a sports fan, I can only go so far...

I tried to watch game 4 of the NBA Finals last night. Really, I did. I'm a sports fan, I should be able to watch a championship clinching game, right? Wrong.

The game was unbearable to watch. Entertaining moments were few and far between. It was boring beyond belief. I couldn't watch any more of something that was fait accompli. I gave up, but it also got me thinking.

If I couldn't being myself to sit through the drudgery that was the NBA Finals, what else can't I being myself to do?

1. Sit calmly though a Todd Jones save - It's impossible to not have your blood pressure rise during a Jones save. As soon as you see Jones on the mound, your gut begins to churn. The vein in your forehead begins to pulsate. You break out in a cold sweat, and become short of breath. The last thing you are when Todd Jones is on the mound is calm. Even though Jones somehow converts the vast majority of the time, a save is never easy for him to accomplish, or us to watch.

2. Bet on the Detroit Lions - Period. Not to cover the spread. Not to win outright. Not as part of a parlay. Not if they're favored. Not if they're the underdog. Even in the seasons where they were decent, the Lions would lose to teams that never should have been on the same field with them, and on the flip side, beat elite teams that should have run Detroit off the field. (That was the Barry Sanders era in a nutshell) We've all been burned too many times by the Lions, emotionally and financially. The Lions are a sucker bet. Always have been, always will be.

3. Bet on Michigan Wolverines football - Much of what I said for the Lions applies to the Wolverines. Unlike the Lions, they do win a lot, but never by a lot. They rarely blow anyone out. Too often the Wolverines play to the level of the competition. Unlike most big time schools, Michigan doesn't have a massive home field advantage that almost guarantees a win, thanks to the quietest 110,000 fans you'll ever not hear. It's not worth the emotional anguish, or the punishment to your wallet, to bet on the Wolverines.

4. Not get frustrated with the Detroit Pistons - I've said it several times, and I'll say it again. The Detroit Pistons are the most infuriating team to root for in all of sports. They seem to think that they can turn on and off their effort at will, and still win. The Pistons have the NBA market on hubris cornered. The thought that some teams aren't intimidated by the "PISTONS" across their chest never occurs to them. Their attitude in believing that they are never out of a series, no matter how far down, or not worried by an inferior opponent keeping a series close, drives fans to utter distraction. I love the Pistons, yet they piss me off to no end.

5. Stay awake for a full NASCAR race - I've admitted in the past that I'm a fan of stock car racing. But I can also admit that many of the longer races, especially the 400-500 mile races run on cookie cutter 1.5 and 2 mile tracks, can be quite uneventful. To put it bluntly, they can be boring snoozefests. This weekend's 400 miler at Michigan International Speedway is one of them. MIS is a fast, wide track, with plenty of room for passing. All of which makes for loooong stretches of green flag racing, with the only thing breaking up the monotony are pit stops. But a long race that is won thanks fast pit stops and good fuel mileage isn't what I call compelling racing. You can't help but doze off around mile 150, then snooze for 150 plus miles. Normally, all you have missed is a few pit stops. Cut these sort of races to 300 miles, and they become much more interesting. Since NASCAR couldn't sell as much advertising time, it'll never happen.

6. Keep myself from watching any NFL game - Since we haven't had a legit NFL franchise in Detroit for several years, how else do you expect me to get my NFL fix? The fact that I watched the worldwide leader's version of Sunday Night Football, despite the brain cell killing duo of Theisman and McGuire, speaks volumes.

7. Watch Sportscenter - I just can't subject myself to the abject torture that is Sportscenter anymore. At one time, Sportscenter was a joy. Every night, I'd eat dinner with Charley Steiner and the 6pm Sportscenter. The Big Show was a nightly ritual. Sportscenter was one of the smartest and hippest shows on TV. But now? It's nothing but anchors and reporters yelling at me, former players whom are now unintelligible analysts arguing nonsensical talking points, what few highlights that are shown are dumbed down by the constant spewing of lame catch phrases, and a constant barrage of worldwide leader branding. If they don't have the rights to a league (NHL), it gets the short shrift. But if they do happen to acquire rights (Arena football), it gets an inordinate amount of undeserved attention. It's criminal what the powers that be at the worldwide leader have done to their flagship broadcast. They have managed to make something that was once great, unwatchable.

An open letter to Dave Dombrowski

To: Dave Dombrowski
President & General Manager, Detroit Tigers
Comerica Park
Detroit, MI

From: Big Al
All around bon vivant, and blogger
The Wayne Fontes Experience
Monroe County, MI

RE: The bullpen

Dave,

Congrats on the Justin Verlander no-hitter, snookering the rest of MLB with the drafting of Rick Porcello, and having one of the best teams on all of baseball. You deserve all of the kudos you've been receiving. But that's not why I'm writing you.

There's a festering issue, one that is on the verge of becoming a full blown crisis if you continue to sit on your hands. I think you know what I'm talking about, Dave.

I'm talking about the bullpen.

Your Tigers just lost 2 of the 3 games in your series with the Milwaukee Brewers. All 3 games were very winnable, yet you lost 2. Why? Because of the bullpen.

You only split your recent series with the team that you are going to be fighting tooth and nail with for the Central division crown. Again, all the games were winnable. But you only won 2 of the 4. Why? THE BULLPEN!

The Tigers are 1 1/2 games behind the Indians. Why? Thanks to the bullpen finding some way to blow, at the very least, 5 games. And that number is sure to continue to grow at a pace neither of us want to see.

Today was the latest example of your bullpen's ineptitude. The Tigers stirring 9th inning rally came up 1 run short. It would have won the game if it hadn't been for your relief pitchers, and their comedy of errors. Balks. Wild pitches. Late in the game home runs. An inability to put together 1-2-3 innings.

It's getting to the point that I hate to watch the Tigers play past the 7th inning, as no lead has been safe. No lead at all.

When you feel that you need your starters to go a full 8 innings every game in order to win, something is very wrong.

Come on, Dave. Enough is enough. I'm not expecting you blow up the pen, but changes have to be made. It's time.

You only have so many chances at getting to a World Series, and you don't want to piss away a great chance this season thanks to the borderline MLB pitchers you currently employ as relievers.

You know, games you lose now are just as important as games in August and September. They do count. It's no longer April, when you could write off the bullpen problems as an anomaly. I thought it was just that as well. But it's now mid June, and those same problems are still there. It's no longer an anomaly, it's a trend. And it's trending down...

You do have options, Dave.

1. You make a trade. Soon. Don't wait till the deadline, as that may be too late. I'm not telling you who to target, or who goes on the block, you know better than I. But something needs to be shaken up. You may have to overpay, but it's worth it to insure a playoff spot.

2. You have a wealth of starting pitching, in both the minors and the major league level. Move a starter to set-up or middle relief duty, at least until you are sure that Joel Zumaya is healthy. Andrew Miller, Nate Robertson (When he comes back) and Chad Durbin are all viable bullpen options. You have a log jam in the rotation, and it'll get more convoluted when Kenny Rogers is activated. Put those arms to use in the bullpen.

3. You had no qualms about putting the untested Joel Zumaya and Justin Verlander in the big leagues last season. They weren't experienced, but they had the talent. so you can't tell me that you don't have at least 1 or 2 arms more talented than Jason Grilli in the minors. You'd be lying if you told me otherwise. Bring up a Trahern or a De La Cruz. It's time to see what those big time prospects can do at the major league level.

4. Do nothing, and waste the best offense in baseball while losing games 10-9.

The bullpen's knack for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory is just crushing the high hopes of your fanbase, Dave. It's killing us watching the Tigers lose games in 2007 that were won in 2006.

It's time, Dave. It's time to be bold, and make a move or 3.

Regards,

Big Al
The Wayne Fontes Experience

PS: If you could find a left hand hutting 1st baseman who could actually hit the occasional home run, that would be cool too. But the pen is the number 1 priority. It's priority 2 and 3 as well...

"From here on in, I rag nobody"

To those who aren't of a literary bent, that's the famous final line from the late Mark Harris' book, the great "Bang the Drum Slowly." There's a reason I bring it up today.

The line came to mind last night. Thanks to the undeniable fact that Justin Verlander's no-hitter doesn't happen without the highlight reel 8th inning double play started by The Black Hole of Suck Neifi Perez. Yes, Niefi Perez.

It's hard for all of us to swallow, but TBHoS Neifi Perez saved the no-no.

In honor of TBHoS Neifi Perez's no-hit saving play, TWFE is calling for a moratorium on the use of "The Black Hole of Suck" nomenclature in place of Perez's name in blog posts.


So let me paraphrase Harris' line, and say, "From here on in, I no longer rag Neifi."*

*At least until he reverts back to his normal Neifiness.

Justin Verlander is a bad, bad man

Just ask the Milwaukee Brewers for conformation.

Wow. Words fail me after that dominating, no-hit perfromance. What do you say about about a pitcher who's throwing 102 MPH gas in the 9th inning? You say the Brewers didn't have a chance.

It's hard to describe just how absolutely filthy Justin Verlander's stuff was tonight. Only a handful of balls were hit hard. The Brewers flailed about helplessly at the plate. If they weren't swinging through Verlander's heat, they were frozen at the plate by his knee buckling curve.

As the first few innings passed by, it was obvious that Verlander had his premium, A-1 stuff. It didn't strike me until the 5th inning that Verlander hadn't yet given up a hit. It was one of those, "Hey, we might be on to something here" light bulb turning on thoughts. That was also the point when you could really begin to hear the crowd catch on as well.

It's something how a no-hitter effects you as a fan. When it became blatantly obvious that Verlander had a possible no-hitter in progress, I became afraid that I was going to jinx him. I know it's silly to think that way, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't change a thing I was doing, wouldn't touch the remote, and I wasn't about to get out of my chair. I was there for the duration.

From then on, it was white knuckle time for everyone watching.

When Magglio Ordonez, who's been playing the best right field of his Tigers career this season, made a nice sliding catch in the 7th, keeping the no-no alive, I thought Verlander had a fighting chance. It might just happen!

But when, off all people, The Black Hole of Suck made a great stop and started an inning ending, highlight reel, no-hit saving double play, you knew it was meant to be.

In the 9th, it was just a matter if Verlander was going to strike out the side.

All I can say is that was one Hell of an amazing performance by Verlander. It was special. Just..WOW! A no-hitter.

Do you sense it? It's in the air!

It's the surge of support to send Placido Polanco to the All Star game!

Courtesy of the resident artist of the Detroit blogosphere, Sam at Roar of the Tigers, I just received the latest Polanco All Star campaign literature. Or as it was called in the subject line, the "VISUAL VOTING CAMPAIGN"

I'll do my part in getting Sam's hard work shown to the voting populace. Let the campaigning begin!

Large, round, glowing orbs for Placido!

The Black Hole of Suck, or for that matter, Robinson Cano, could never make this catch!

I think this is my favorite. If you don't vote for Placido...You''l hurt Izzy the Cat's feelings.

Don't forget to vote for the reigning MVP of the 2006 ALCS, the Placidome. Multiple times...

Roundtables, Placido Polonco to the ASG, and other links

I've been totally lax on linking recently. That changes today. On to the link dump...

First off, I was asked by Christy of Behind the Jersey to contribute to her bloggers roundtable about the merits of Detroit's status as a pro and college sports mecca, along with several other notable local bloggers. The eyeopening viewpoints were a fun and informative read. It's a 5 part series, so set aside some time...

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Scott of Quo Vadimus took a one look at the undeserving Robinson Cano of the evil empire leading Placido Polonco in the AL 2nd base All-Star game voting, and thought that wasn't right. Well, Scott's not one to take such a thing lying down, so he's begun a grassroots blogroots All Star voting campaign known as "Go to the Polls for Placido!"


Count me in, as Polonco should be the starting AL 2nd baseman in the Midsummer Classic. To do your part, head to the MLB All Star game site, and stuff those electronic ballot boxes!

While you're there, write in Curtis Granderson, who was inexplicably left off of the AL ballot. For that matter, Magglio Ordonez, whom the worldwide leader has at number 1 in their "Top 100 " player ratings, is 5th (?) in the AL outfield voting. That's not right. So do your part folks, and move some deserving Tigers up in the popularity contest fan voting for the All Star game starting lineup.

Steve Nash Andrew at the Mickey Tettleton Memorial Overpass talks about "Wacky Races," "The Wild One," "Blade Runner," the animated version of the Dark Knight, and also squeezes in his thoughts on the Tigers' pitching staff. For what it's worth, I think "Blade Runner" is a great movie too, but I'm not sure I buy the idea that Dekkard is actually a replicant.

Angry Chief seems especially angry today at Check out my HEMI, while pondering Detroit sports losing streaks and office restroom etiquette. I suggest going to coffee strategy, Chief.

I can tell school's out, and Sam finally has more time on her hands, as she's posting damn near every day at Roar of the Tigers. One of her recent posts I found most interesting was her solution to the Tigers bullpen woes. Trade for CJ Wilson of the Rangers. He's a good pitcher, but after hearing him during a Rangers broadcast, Sam's even more sold on his intangibles. In other words, he's a funny guy! At the very least, Wilson could add a little wackiness to a bullpen that is missing both Joel Zumaya's fastball and off-center personality, and the give Detroit blogosphere tons to write about.

Clubber Lang's Basement is back after a long absence, and like the rest of us, the Tigers' bullpen is of primary concern. BAW says if the Tigers don't do something, he's either going to be bald or a dead man. To paraphrase that well known educator Dean Wormer...Dead, stressed, and bald is no way to go through summer, son...

On a quick note I want to thank the guys who gave me some advice and guidance in response to my domain and hosting questions. Expect replies soon...

Wishful thinking is a fan's right, but lets be realistic about it

News: Gilbert Arenas will opt out of his Wizards deal after this coming season.
Fan wishful thinking: The Pistons need to sign Agent Zero!
Reality: Never, ever going to happen. Arenas is going to get a shitload of cash, probably a max deal. Odds are the Pistons will have signed Chauncy Billups to a long term, 13-14 million dollar a year contract. Considering how Bill Davidson despises the luxury tax, let alone his refusal to give max deals, it's going to choke his goat to just sign Billups. He'd never go for Gilbert Arenas. Agent Zero is highly marketable, extremely entertaining, well spoken, and most importantly, a legitimately talented player. Arenas would blow up as a national personality if he signed in a big market, that's if he doesn't stay with the Wiz. He's not coming to the D.

News: Dante Culpepper is persona non grata in Miami. He's currently trying to broker a deal to be traded to another team. That's if he isn't cut by the Fish in the meantime. Either way, the former nemesis of the Lions is not going to stay in Miami.
Fan wishful thinking: The Lions need Culpepper!


Reality: Culpepper is still not healthy after his 2005 catastrophic knee injury. The Dolphins know he's damaged goods, and won't be ready for the start of the 2007 season. In fact, Culpepper may never again be the elite QB we saw when he had 2 good knees and a motivated Randy Moss catching his passes. The Lions, or should I say, Millen and Marinelli, need to win now, or risk another fan revolt. After a 3-13 season, Millen and Marinelli need a healthy, veteran QB who already knows the Mike Martz offense. Which means, for better or more likely worse, Jon Kitna is entrenched as the Lions QB. They would never sign a QB who has high risk, even that also means high reward, written all over him.

News: The Tigers take 2 of 3 from the Mets, no thanks to the bullpen, thanks to the best offense in baseball. Yesterday, Jim Leyland finally admitted, in so many words, that the bullpen must improve. Otherwise, as Leyland said, "At some point, you look to make changes. It's that simple."
Fan wishful thinking: Blow up the bullpen! Make a trade! Bring up Andrew M...Oh, he's already up. Bring up somebody! Anybody!


Reality: Finally, wishful thinking that may come to fruition, for more than a few reasons. Leyland has gone public with his opinion about the bullpen, calling them out in the media. Kenny Rogers is a week or 2 away from rejoining the rotation, if his performance last night in Toledo is any indication. The aforementioned Andrew Miller has been brought up as an injury replacement twice, won both times, and looks as if he may be in the bigs to stay. Chad Durbin has passed both Nate Robertson and Mike Maroth in effectiveness. Speaking of Robertson, he's due to come off the DL in a week. There are several near big league ready arms in the minors. That leaves the Tigers with that extreme rarity, excess starting pitching. Rumors have been flying about the Tigers interest is several different relievers. Something is going to happen, and I bet it's going to be soon.

The Pistons have to be dying inside

If not dying inside, at the very least, the Pistons are continually kicking themselves. After every NBA Finals game, they are slapping themselves on the forehead, and letting loose with a Homer Simpson-esque, "D'oh!"

We also know exactly what they have to be thinking.

"How in the Hell did we lose to the Cleveland Cavaliers?"

You want to know why I've barely watched any of the NBA Finals? Every time I tune in, the Cavs are down 20 points. I stopped by the worldwide leader on ABC a few times in game 1, and the Cavs were getting their asses kicked from end of the court to the other.

I didn't tune in last night till after "The Sopranos" ended, and I wasn't surprised by what I saw. The Cavs were down 25 points, getting their asses kicked from end of the court to the other. Once I saw that nothing had changed, like the rest of America, I moved on.

Speaking of "The Sopranos," allow me a quick mid blog post hijack...

Since everyone is talking about what happened on HBO last night... Don't worry, no major spoilers to follow, but if you haven't seen it yet, just to be safe, move past the italicized print.

Yes, I've watched "The Sopranos" since the beginning, it's the best TV show I've ever seen. No, I wasn't disappointed by the ending.

Did you really expect a pat, network TV, kind of series finale from a show that defied every network TV convention? I'm guessing David Chase was saying that real life doesn't stop, life goes on, so why shouldn't Tony Soprano's "Life" be the same way? But God damn, Chase had me on the edge of my seat during the final scene.

Would it have been nice to have some sort of "Sopranos" closure? Sure, but I never understood the need for every show that ends after a long run to have some sort of over the top series finale. More often than not, the send off doesn't live up to the hype, or for that matter, the spirit and tone of the show.

"The Sopranos" went out true to itself. I can live with that...

I have to mention one more thing. As to what happened to Phil Leotardo, well, I haven't seen (Or more honestly, heard) something so cringe-worthy since the curb stomping in "American History X."

Blog post hijack over...

From what little I have seen through 2 games, I'm convinced of one thing. The Detroit Pistons would have been a much tougher matchup for the Spurs, and the NBA Finals likely would have been a vastly more entertaining series.

Would the Pistons have beat the Spurs? I don't think so. But they would have taken the Spurs to 6 , probably 7, games, and made them work hard for their wins. Without question, Detroit would not have been out of the game halfway through the 1st half, let alone get blown out of the arena, unlike the Cavs.

To this point, the finals have been nothing more than glorified exhibitions. I doubt things will change all that much when the series moves to Cleveland.

Every member of the Pistons organization has to be lamenting what they let slip through their fingers. If I still can't wrap my head around the fact that a one man team is the eastern conference champs, I can only guess what they are feeling.

To the Spurs credit, they are not going to lose to a one man team. Which makes the Pistons sitting at home, while the Cavs play on, all the more baffling.

Just knock the damn thing down already

The news came today that Tiger Stadium will be mo more by September 2008. Unfortunately, that gives the city 15 months to screw it up. Somehow, I believe it will be.

My first thought was the same as Bilfer's...

"I’ll still believe it when I see it."

Exactly. Not until I actually see the wrecking balls in place, the explosive charges go off, and they start picking through the wreckage, will I believe that the Corner will finally meet it's put off for much too long end.

Just put the place out of it's misery.

I loved Tiger Stadium as much as the rest of you, but enough is enough. In the final years years of Tiger Stadium, it was a decrepit, rusted out, hulking shell of a stadium.

Come on people, it's time to let go of the past. Your memories blind you to the hard, cold facts about Tiger Stadium.

If you had 1 of the 10,000 or so seats with a clear shot of the field, there wasn't a better view in all of baseball. But to go along with those 10,000 great seats, there were at least 20.000 with some sort of obstructed view. And if you actually got stuck with a seat whose ticket was actually marked and sold as "Obstructed view," you literally had a steel girder in your lap.

Tiger Stadium was already well out of date in 1960. Hitler's bomb shelter had more amenities. The Berlin Wall had more charisma than the outside facade of Tiger Stadium. The Roman vomitoriums had wider and cleaner concourses. To use either the bathrooms or the concessions, there was a 3 inning long line. Had to visit both? You missed most of the game.

In spite of all those hassles, I loved going to Tiger Stadium. But you know what? I love going to Comerica Park even more.

Those of you who still want to save Tiger Stadium? Please. That ship sailed 2 decades ago. Tiger Stadium is not going to be saved, nor should it. The state, the city, and especially the stuck in the past fans, all need to move on.

We have a world class, state-of-the-art, stadium in Comerica Park. The 2006 season showed us all how wonderful a place it really can be. There has been no need for time to stand still around Tiger Stadium for the past 7 years. The fact that the rusted out eye sore is still standing should be an embarrassment to all of us in Southeastern Michigan.

I'd be thrilled to be the one to push the plunger, hit the button, turn the key, whatever you need to do to set off the dynamite charges. I'm in favor of anything that will pull the plug on Tiger Stadium's life support.

But, just as Bilfer said, "I'll still believe it when I see it."

I'll give you 2-1 odds that Tiger Stadium still standing when the 9/08 deadline comes and goes.

That's one bet I'll be more than happy to lose.

The 5 most loved men in Detroit sports

As I did the most hated in Detroit sports yesterday, I figured we needed to see the flip side of that list...

Honorable mention: Matt Millen, as we LOVE to hate on the 'stache.

5. Chris Osgood: Ozzie is the Red Wing most loved by puck bunnies everywhere. They have an intense passion for the dreamy, uber-cute, long time Red Wings goalie.


He's considered a deity by the most aggressive and vocal of the Detroit puck bunny subculture, the Downriver bunny. The Taylor/Wyandotte/Woodhaven/Southgate puck bunnies think "Ozzie is just sooooo cute!" They are easily spotted at sports bars and the Joe by their tight jeans, big hair and white Osgood sweater.

Obviously, Ozzie is, by far, the puck bunnies favorite, but cases can also be more a certain few other Red Wings. Puck bunnies also have been known to have unrequited crushes upon Kris Draper, Kirk Maltby, and Brendan Shanahan. In fact, the day Shanny left the Red Wings, a day of mourning was declared Downriver.

4. Joel Zumaya: Zoom, the Tigers relief pitcher with a 103 MPH fastball, and a knee buckling curve, is the closest thing we have to a folk hero in Detroit.

Zumaya is young, talented, and maybe just a little crazy. Add in his love for playing "Guitar Hero," and you have the most eccentric, and possibly the most freakishly talented, pitcher to wear the Olde English D since Mark Fydrich.

His lore was cemented during the Tigers 2007 playoff run. Zumaya entered late in game 2 of the ALDS against the Yankees with his fiery attitude, flaming forearm tattoo, furious arm pumping, and a case of pink eye. Zoom made New York baseball pretty boy Alex Rodriguez look absolutely foolish at the plate, striking him out.

A-Rod never had a chance...

Fans are currently pining for Zumaya, desperately missing his 100 MPH heat, while lamenting the demise of the Tigers' bullpen, much in thanks to his unfortunate stint on the DL with a finger tendon injury. He's due back in August, but cannot come back soon enough for Tigers fans whom are stuck watching the likes of Zach Miner and Jason Grilli attempt to fill Zumaya's huge shoes, with not nearly the same success.

Zumaya is is sorely missed, and not only for his pitching ability.

3. Drew Stanton: If all goes as planned, Stanton will be the Lions' backup QB in 2007. The backup QB is the most loved Lion, just as the starting QB is the most hated.

Stanton will be the most talented, most capable, the Lion who will take them to that promised land, one that is only a rumor to Lions fans, the Super Bowl.

Then Jon Kitna will be injured or get benched. Stanton will become the starter, and it will all change. Quickly.

Previous most loved Lions have included Charlie Batch, Mike McMahon, Ty Detmer, and Jeff Garcia. All of whom quickly became the most loathed Lion, then moved on to other NFL teams, to then become their most loved/loathed player.

It's the never ending circle of NFL QB life.

1b. Jim Leyland: In early 2006, the gruff, straight talking, smokes like a chimney Marlboro man took over the long time bottom feeding Tigers, and ended 2006 as the MLB manager of the year, the highly acclaimed leader of a pennant winner, and a God amongst fans in Detroit.

Is Jim Leyland a God? I'm not sure if that's 100% true, but after the miracle of last season, it's the most logical explanation.

Leyland built up enough fan goodwill to last the rest of his career. He actually needed some of that equity this season, when some of the unorthodox lineup decisions that worked in 2006 (Starting Alexis Gomez during the ALCS left everyone scratching their heads, but after a home run and 4 RBI in game 2, the word "Genius" was used), didn't work quite so well in 2007. (The Todd Jones vs. Cleveland debacle)

Despite the occasional misstep, and several injuries, Leyland has the Tigers in the thick of the Central division race, and if the season ended today, the Tigers would be in the playoffs. The take no shit from anyone Leyland is the the antithesis of the jokesters, buffoons, and PR hires that managed the Tigers in the dark years after Sparky Anderson's retirement.

In any other city, Leyland would stand alone as the unquestioned number one. Not so in Detroit. Thanks to...

1a. Joe Dumars: The classiest sports figure in Detroit, "In Joe we trust" is the Pistons fans mantra. Dumars took over a Pistons team that had become irrelevant in Detroit, let alone in NBA circles. They are now one of the NBA elite.

What more can you say about Joe D? A career Piston whose number 4 is hanging in the Palace rafters, Dumars won 2 titles as a player, 1 as GM. A member of the basketball Hall of Fame, the the NBA's sportsmanship award is named after the much admired Dumars.

I can't bring myself to say anything remotely snarky or derogatory about the Detroit Pistons President and GM.

I mean, come on, we're talking about Joe Dumars! Joe D IS the Pistons.